Pro-Choice

“Aren't you on the pill? You should take the after pill then, just to be safe.” I will not. And I will not get an abortion either. Most of my lovers didn't like condoms but they were genuinely scared when I told them that I hadn't “solved it” for them in advance by taking contraceptive pills and I was not going to “solve it” for them later either – by the after pill or abortion. On the other hand, I made also very clear to them that I wouldn't expect them to play the father if they didn't want to except for some financial support (legally, if necessary). And they got scared. Isn't it a paradox? They don't want to use condoms because it is a bit “less pleasant” and a mere threat of having to support a human being that they would create (which would be the only consequence of their incompetency or lack of knowledge of their own bodies) made them scared.

So here is where I stand: I am not so-called “pro-life”, in the sense of being against choice. It's just that my choice has been already made. I cannot imagine killing something that might become a human being and who for some reason would take shelter in my body. I respect everything that is trying to stay alive (I don't kill insects and there was a time when I was even sad for having to kill harmful bacteria in my body), so how could I kill something that is supposedly safe in my body and might grow to become something like me? Once when I was talking about a potential “baby” inside of me, I was corrected by my male lover that an embryo is not a baby, it's a fetus. Within reason, anyone can believe whatever they wish but the important thing is that it is a belief. It is not a scientific fact,* it's a cultural proclamation that aspires to the creation of ethical rules and eventually laws. I believe that our science can determine when development of various organs start and (to a lesser extent) whether “it” already feels something or not yet. But differentiating between a human and not-quite-yet-human is very arbitrary: is it conception, first hormonal changes in female body, development of specific organs, delivery, giving a name to a new human, a passage ritual of some sort? When they start paying taxes?

I have met women who consider abortions to be murders and yet don't regret having got one in the past. I have met women who are very pro-choice but still regret their decision. I have met women who don't care at all. I have met men who regret their sexual partner having had an abortion and those who regret that their partners didn't get one. And of course men who don't care at all or don't even know that their lovers have gone through abortions. I am fine with almost all the decision a woman can make. I respect and very much approve of a strongly pro-choice legislative but individual final decisions are not made around the question whether “it” is a human being or a fetus. In my case, it would be made around my feeling that urges me to protect life (and as you might know, I don't even like children and for now I am decided not to have any – as long as they don't “happen” because of a selfish asshole). Unfortunately, most women don't have a luxury to decide based on their feelings, they decide according to their over-all situation. However, no man should have a right to tell any woman that the embryo that he created in her body, is not a human being – in order to convince her to kill “it”.

* The ontological status of “scientific facts” is not discussed here. And will probably never be discussed here.