Toffee

I have been in a non-monogamy positive environment for so long that I have forgotten that it is actually not a normal thing. I have been talking to people about non-monogamy for about twelve years now, but the benefits of non-monogamy have always seemed so obvious to me that writing about them feels almost boring (just like most social media content about non-monogamy and polyamory is boring – there, I said it, it’s finally off me). So I skipped to its criticism (this is pretty outdated now – if you are interested in an updated academic version of the argument, please let me know: I am in a desperate need of feedback) which now seems to be a bit premature. After discussing it with a friend, I got the impression that I still had something to say about non-monogamy that is both positive and interesting (my friend may have just been being polite and pretending to be interested, but they brought this on all of you). This text will feature a fictional character Amanda, a white woman now p...

Lives of someone like me and of, you know, “the people” rarely cross and saying that I “know them” is about as arrogant as bragging about (well, “checking”) your privilege that you don't understand “their” problems. Up until recently I had been annoyed by many polyamory discourses because I was thinking that people with existential problems don't really have time for this. But then … no, I realized it's not entirely true. Let me explain. Many years ago, I worked with with a woman from a very different social class who at that time had two and a half jobs, a son, a husband with depressions, and a lover. This situation was stable at least for a few years over which I was meeting her regularly at work. Back then, I had been already for some time living my soap opera life: dramatically falling in love, not being happy, meeting someone new, dramatic break-up, and everything over again. Years later I discovered the concept of “open relationship” which seemed to have solved my p...